JOINING A DEPT/TEAM

[IDB]

I started a temporary position back in Oct 08 within a team of 4 other people.  I'm an EA and have a great working relationship with my boss and his "side-kick" yet the other two members of the team (considerably younger than myself) totally ignore or refuse to speak to me directly concerning my Boss' diary, day to day happenings etc.  They speak to him direct when I know he would rather say to them speak to me direct.

They don't acknowledge during the day not even a good morning!  I've been working as an Assistant for over 20+ year so why are these two individuals making me inferior and pretty non-existent at the end of EVERY day!!

Aaaarrgghh!!

[JessW]

Sounds like those two might be a bit insecure in their work.

Don't take it personally.  If it really bugs your boss, then he will soon tell them.

Keep it professional and take a deep breath!

Jess

[geminigirl]

Jess could well be right and they are just insecure.  Or they are just so totally up themselves, so to speak.  But it must be irritating and a bit upsetting.

Check with your boss if he really would prefer them to go to you rather than directly to him - if you've been there since October 08, that's an awfully long time to put up with something and I'm surprised he's put up with it for so long.  If he wants them to go through you, tell them this is what he wants.

Have you told / asked them directly to come to you?

As for not even getting a Good Morning from them ... do you say it to them?  I would personally make a point of saying it to them regardless of getting a response or not - it highlights their own churlish behaviour, and might teach them manners.  What do you have to lose?

But don't feel inferior or non-existent - this is not about you but their own rudeness and ignorance.

[gee4]

Been there, experienced it all and got the t-shirt.  Both Jess and Gem are right.  Temporary or not, you have been hired to do a job and these two individuals need to grow up.

It's a shame people still treat the "newbie" with such resentment.  Perhaps they had their eye on the job and are just jealous someone else got it.

Continue to be the professional and say good morning.  After a while they might realise you are only doing your job and not trying to outdo them.

It was refreshing how you mentioned in your posting "within a team of 4 other people".  I wonder where these two consider themselves to be in that team.

[IDB]

Thanks guys - I really appreciate your advice/feedback on my post.  I have really tried to be "grown up" about this and yes I have made a point of saying "good morning" but one of them ABSOLUTELY ignores the sentiment just blatantly walking past my desk to sit down.  Now I know for a fact she is definately not deaf!!! LOL

Thanks again for your comments, I really do appreciate it.

[Jackie G]

I too am a little surprised your boss has let it go on for quite so long too.  I do feel for you, but having never been in this situation myself, it's hard to offer some advice.  What about this -

How about trying to couple the Good morning contact with a query for one of these two (and you could alternate to see who responds first and fastest) and after doing that a few times, see if they will then greet you in the morning.

They could, of course, just be alien beings who don't know how to interact with humans, in which case there's no hope for them!!!

[IDB]

Hi Jackie G - thanks for that.  Apologies for sounding a little dim.  You stated that I should say Good Morning and following with a query to one then the other, do you mean "good morning, did you have a nice evening?" Sort of thing! If you are have tried that and get mono-syllabic answer(s)!

Boss doesn't know about the situ as he comes in after they have arrived!  My contract ends next month and they are looking to try and keep me on.  If I am fortunate to stay, I will surely sit down with my Boss and explain the "team" situ, but don't want to come across as a "dragon" or "non-team player" or even as "rocking the boat!"  AAaaargghhh dilemma!

[rose.winter1980]

This is where I would get tough and challenge people - very pleasantly, of course.

Next time you receive a monosyllabic response from one of these people, you could say something along the lines of "You know Jane (whatever its name is), I always speak to you very pleasantly but you seem to give me very curt replies.  I'm sure you don't mean to be rude, but if you were we would be having a very different conversation ...".  You will be surprised how that works.  I had a similar experience to yours in my current job and challenged someone along the lines of what I've written above - never had to do it again and I'm on good terms with everyone including the offending person. 

This is a type of bullying, and bullies flourish because no-one challenges them.  They need to be stopped.  Full stop.

[IDB]

Hi Rose, my partner said exactly the same thing, that it's a form of bullying!  I dismissed it and thought he was talking out of his hat!!!  Now you've reiterated that statement........it's making me wonder.

Blimey, the things us Assistants have to sort out and then some.  Thanks again Rose.  Appreciated and have noted your comments on the subtle but firm approach.

[Jackie G]

Yes, agree on the bullying thing + see below

I meant try saying 'Morning, Jane.  [pause]  Oh Jane, I wonder if you can help me with the answer to this.... - that should make her reply to you.

I like the approach about I always speak pleasantly but you don't (sorry, paraphrasing as I'm eating lunch and rushing as I'm going into a meeting)

Let us know how you get on.

[Cathy S]

I agree with everything already suggested and regardless of whether the cause is jealousy, ignorance, bad manners, insecurity, or anything else it is a form of bullying and the behaviour is unacceptable.  Harassment does not have to be intentional on the part of the perpetrator, it is sufficient that you feel harassed.

I too would take Rose's approach - now (ie don't wait to see if you are retained) and then (especially if they don't respond positively) continue to be your usual pleasant self. 

If this were a large group in an office it would be less noticeable but it effectively splits your team in half so it is detrimental to team morale as well long term.

If you are going to adopt Rose's suggestion, imagine we are all standing right behind you being supportive when you speak to them.

Good luck and let us know how you go.

Cathy

[gee4]

Just so you know, which I am sure you already do, this is actually a case of "indirect" bullying which I was subject to by a previous boss and director.

It's about being ignored and isolated (indirect) as opposed to being tripped up in the playground (direct) etc.

This is almost the worst case of bullying to prove as some people (especially in my case) either never witness it or think we are imagining things.  It's only when the bully slips up do others start to realise what we mean.

You are professional and so far seem to have dealt with this very well but it's not fair that you have been subjected to such childish bullying behaviour.

Personally I would love to shove their two heads down the toilet but of course we never lower ourselves to that of a bully. 

Good luck and keep us posted.

[IDB]

Many, many thanks Jackie, Cathy & gee4 - It's sooooo refreshing and importantly reassuring to hear what you've got to say as I thought I was being overly-sensitive.

Gee4, I really like your last paragraph it did make me smile and boy would I like to take that approach but as I said I'm biting my lip, literally, as i don't want to jeopardise my position as I'm still "only a temp" under contract until Oct 09.

Thanks again guys.

[msmarieh]

I'm very much inclined to agree on calling them out on their poor behavior, though I would be more likely to pull each aside privately and phrase it as "is there a reason why you never respond when I wish you a good morning or speak to you in general? Have I done something to offend you?"

This acknowledges that you may have inadvertently done something to ruffle their feathers (even if you are sure that you haven't done so) and shines a light on their poor behavior, but in a private manner.

Of course be prepared for a few sarcastic, heavily acted out "Well Good Morning.. " responses for the first few days. Ignore those and act as though they responded appropriately and they will tire of that game.

[Bellisima]

I had, well have a similar problem.  My co worker in the cubicle next to mine is just the moodiest, un happy person I know.  She is rarely in a good mood and never says good morning.  You can say it to her face and she will stare at  you and not say good morning back.  After three years in this position, I just don't take it personally any more.  It has to do something with her.  I don't try to say hi any more, actually I leave her alone as much as possible.  Once in a while she is actually nice, but now know those are just rare days.  It is just how she is.