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dettu
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« on: June 18, 2009, 06:06:23 pm » |
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The Lunch Bunch is out having lunch again today. Members of the Lunch Bunch include all the administrative staff in my area, plus the HR administrative staff person. Except for me. They've been meeting monthly or semi-monthly for a year now. They have never invited me. I don't really WANT to have lunch with any of them, as they're unhelpful at best when I have to work with them, but I do think it's blatant, catty and childish for them to deliberately exclude me from a lunch invite. Again and again. I think giving me the opportunity to say "thanks, but I've got plans" would be just a bit more professional than all sneaking out...
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gee4
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« Reply #1 on: June 18, 2009, 08:41:42 pm » |
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Dettu, I hear you.
Firstly if it's any consolation I lunched on my own today whilst my devious colleague went out for an hour (we are only supposed to have half an hour). I would rather she said look I lunch out on Thursdays or something as we lunch together every other day but she seems to have a problem even telling me.
It's hurtful I know and very childish and personally it makes me isolate myself even more. My company is a bit catty and clicky too - everyone in their little groups at lunch and teabreaks - I would never join any of them.
On my first day in this job, after being shown round and introduced, my "buddy" left me at my desk. It was almost 1pm, she had to get back to meet her own lunch bunch. Was I asked? No. Was I offered the next day? No. My colleague who I first mentioned above, never offered either. We could be talking about work one minute and then the next off she would go for lunch without even saying, would you like to join me/us? Now we are in a different building and have to eat in the canteen so she has no one else and neither do I. A case of thrown together if you like.
Manners go a long way. It's a click. All they probably do is gossip about others anyway. I cannot be bothered with it all and would rather be on my own if I'm honest. It's a shame cos they could get to know you. It's shameful that they are all led by each other and not one could take the initiative and break away from the rest. That's insecurity and they don't want to be seen as doing something different.
I feel for you but you know you are better than that. I made a very good friend in the company I got made redundant from last year. She went out of her way to introduce me and include me for lunch. Why? Because she herself was a victim of the very same thing and while she put a stop to it, she vowed never to let it happen again.
People are hurtful, especially women, although not all. It's like being in a gang at school - they all think they are in the "in crowd", but I bet they talk about each other at different times, in and out of work. Ask yourself this - are any of them really good friends with each other?
I would actually love to ask just one of them why they didn't invite you and I bet the answer would be, well I didn't organise it. That's right, they probably blame someone else while they are just the bleating sheep.
Chin up, be strong and don't waste another minute thinking about it.
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peaches2160
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« Reply #2 on: June 19, 2009, 02:39:36 am » |
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I learned a long time ago you are judged by the company you keep. I prefer to stay away from that bunch. Every company has them. You are better off to be polite and speak with them regarding business and sheduling matters only. Your reputation is safer that way. Take the "down time " and devote it to yourself. Read a good book, go for a stroll, but stay away from them. You will be better off.
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diamondlady
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« Reply #3 on: June 19, 2009, 12:51:03 pm » |
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And trutfully you really do find out who you friends are or arent in that kind of a group as well. When things get tough, they'll be the first to stand up for only themselves, not even anyone in their own group. The tighter you may seem, the worse it gets. Been there and done that. Don't get burned by them, chances are you've gotten the right advice here, they are catty and clicky you don't need that kind of acceptance. They are probably jealous of you. And Gee is right that is insecurity if not one of them can step away from the pack to do something different. Hang in there! Diamondlady Peer Moderator  |
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laurafmcdermott
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« Reply #4 on: June 19, 2009, 12:53:14 pm » |
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Agree with peaches. Something similar happened here, only it was a Friday night out after work for drinks and dancing clique. Several people including myself were excluded. However, about six months ago during one of these outings, there was some sort of misunderstanding between a staff person and a coworker's husband that resulted in police involvement, a restraining order, near-divorce and a really horrible working atmosphere. We were all quite happy not to have been involved.
Work is work, but personal time is all mine (including lunch breaks). Living well is the best revenge.
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adminforyou
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« Reply #6 on: June 22, 2009, 01:44:14 pm » |
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What I have done in previous jobs is to invite one person to join me for lunch (usually set it up at the beginning of the week for sometime during that week). Each week my goal is to get to know a different person. This way I get to know each one of them on an individual basis.
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gee4
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« Reply #7 on: September 17, 2009, 12:13:50 pm » |
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Hi Dettu,
How are things these days? Haven't seen you on the boards for a while.
Gee
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rose.winter1980
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« Reply #8 on: September 17, 2009, 12:34:38 pm » |
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We have a similar set-up in my current company and it can be very hurtful to be the one left out. In my company there are a few groups, including one major group of several people.
How you deal with it rather depends on what level you are at in the company. If you are, for instance, the CEO's assistant then you can expect to be fairly isolated because it just is a lonely job working for the head of an organisation. People are naturally wary of someone who has access to privileged information, or who they think knows all the secrets. Or they may be over-friendly.
My own approach to work is this: I'm cooped up with a bunch of people I might not even meet outside work in my social circle. I took my job because I wanted to do this particular job in this particular company, and it appeared to offer me what I wanted. It has, and more. I try to add value to my company. I'm courteous, helpful, and friendly to my colleagues and will share things with them, listen to any personal things they have to say, and share their joys and sorrows. My reputation is such that they know they may speak to me without fear of my gossiping or using anything against them. I will go out for lunch if I'm invited or it's someone's birthday or leaving "do", but it doesn't bother me that I'm not invited to their end-of-month-it's-payday lunches. That's their chance to get together and have a natter about everything and everybody.
You know your company set-up best, and maybe staying away from them is one solution, or you could invite one or two to share lunch with you and see what happens.
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forfrom
Newbie
Posts: 15
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« Reply #9 on: September 25, 2009, 02:48:04 pm » |
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I seem to always get asked to put in money for the collection for someone leaving, which I do, but never seem to get invited to the leaving party! Got to the point now where I ask the person who did the collection, 'So what did I end up buying so and so for their leaving present?' Ha ha childish I know but satisfying.
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dettu
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« Reply #10 on: September 25, 2009, 05:17:06 pm » |
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Hi there Gee, thanks for asking. Things are very, very busy because one of the three admins is on maternity leave. This is an especially busy season for us, so I've been hopping.
AFA the suggestion that I ask one person to lunch each week--I have asked these people each individually and more than once, and I always get a polite no. I'd prefer not to continue chasing them down; it's kind of humiliating.
The good news is that at least locally, employers are starting to add new openings again and someday a position may open!
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