Week of March 22-Office gossip

[andream]

What happens in the office when the gossip game is being played? What’s been your worst experience with office gossip? How do you avoid participating, and more importantly, when you do manage to avoid participating, how do you avoid becoming a target yourself?

Do Tell...

Andrea

[gee4]

Hard to avoid it however, I usually don't get involved as it usually gets back to somebody somewhere.  Best to know who to trust and discuss anything that's private between yourselves.  It goes on in all work places and is just part of every day life.  People like to discuss other people's business in case it might be something juicy they need to know.  Gives people power to say, hey I know something you don't - but do you want to hear it anyway ....

G

[jane10]

I agree.  I think it's a part of human nature that won't change.  People will always feel the need to talk about others.  

I think maintaining a friendly yet professional demeanour and knowing the right times to be 'pally' and when not to goes a long way to creating the right impression.  

[JessW]

I quite agree - it is part of human nature, but it can also be very damaging.  I myself am suffering from two knock-on effects of this at the moment.

One is the tell-tale (who spends most of the time gossiping about others while in direct earshot of the office manager and they don't care what they say).  The other is as a result of this the "what would the neighbours think" scenario from my boss who doesn't realise that the holier than thou attitude can do just as much damage as the tell-tale.

I don't condone gossip in any way shape or form as a lot of the time there is either no truth to the matter or it was something completely personal which bears no relation to work or which as office 'professionals' they should be professional enough to keep confidential in the first place.  It doesn't even work when names are not used - no excuse.

As you may imagine the office gossip machine tries to dig up the dirt on me at every opportunity but I refuse to take up the fight.  Don't know if that is really the best policy or not.  I go by my dad's mantra - if you let people know that you are not interested and will not tolerate it they might just get the hint and %£*"er off (excuse my french!)

Jess

[raindance]

I accept that gossip is part of human nature and, in a sense, it oils the wheelsn of progress.  However, even if something is true, people do have a right to their privacy and their good name.  To take away someone's good name, by repeating bad things about them, is appalling. I take the line that those people who gossip about me must lead boring lives, because I don't consider myself an interesting subject, and they also probably don't have enough to do.

One of my first bosses once gave me a piece of advice which has stuck with me: not everyone is your friend.  I guess if you want privacy then the best things is to be friendly, but not familiar, and 100 per cent professional with everyone.

One of my best friends used to say about gossipers: "What they know they'll repeat and what they don't know they'll make up".  There's a lot in that.

Raindance

Edited by raindance on 22/03/04 01:23 PM.

[countrigal]

Office gossip seems to be what runs this office.  Everyone seems to know something about someone and is wanting to share it.  Myself, I try to maintain a professional attitude and steer clear of these conversations.  This isn't always possible, so when I do get involved, I try to look at both sides of the story and make folks see how what they are saying may be wrong, misconstrued, or misleading... and that without the whole story and details, all they're doing is possibly hurting folks.  Unfortunately, a lot of the gossip is caused by an "Us vs. Them" mentality.  Our office seems to be the scapegoat for every other office in the facility- we're the folks people hate, as we are the monitors of a lot of processes that require a lot of work and effort on their part and they see us as doing nothing but bugging them for data, answers, etc without doing any work ourselves.  Therefore it seems to be acceptable for the office to talk about others outside of our office.  Very little inter-office discussions occur, as we really are a tight team and that is thanks to that same mentality of "Us vs Them".

CountriGal
Peer Moderator

[donnap99]

So far this new office seems to be pretty good where the office gossip is concerned.  At the old office...  well, I've never been a gossip, but had plenty about me flung around.  Because I'm more of a straight-out, tell it like it is, don't beat around the bush kind of person, I tend to get along much better with men than women.  Therefore, according to some...  I've had affairs with just about every male co-worker I come in contact with!  Even one of the guys who I supervised!  

This (not gossiping) is one of the most important character traits I'm really trying to instill in my teenagers.  They have their moments, but when they talk about someone around me I give them the hairy eyeball.


DonnaP99

[topcat]

What happens...? In our office people whisper making others feel uneasy, then get annoyed when they aren't the first to hear about something, which usually has nothing to do with them.

Worst experience..? At the moment, when some pople have handed their notice in and others just want to get on with life and their job and try and feel positive, it makes it really difficult in a small office. We who are left have sore tongues as we find they are nearly bitten off.

How do we avoid participating..? Just steer clear, because if it is important we will find out from someone from management who knows. If it is bugging too much, ask someone but think about who to ask first.

How to avoid becoming a target..? Luckily the gossip isn't too rife, but if you don't gossip in the first place, you earn more respect. If you can't help a bit in the morning, just be careful and think "what if XX heard me now?"  before speaking.

Just my thoughts.

topcat

[spitfire78]

I was the subject of gossip a few years ago - it was very hurtful at the time and, truthfully, still hurts to think about it.  I had worked at the company for about 15 years and never had a problem with anyone.  Then a new co-worker came along, and there were problems galore.  As we were working on these problems, I never said a word to anyone except my supervisor about the other person.  On the other hand, she was telling all sorts of stories about me - what a horrible person I was to work with, how mean I was to her, etc.  What hurt the most was that people with whom I had worked for a very long time were quite ready and willing to jump on the bandwagon and believe everything she said.  My supervisor knew she was spreading these lies about me, and her response was "well, that's the way she deals with things."  Several years later (after Ms. Gossip was long gone), a newbie was questioned by multiple people on how she was getting along with me!  Fortunately, she wasn't a newbie to the company, just to our section, and she was wise enough to ignore the questions and make up her own mind.  It was quite hurtful to think that a reputation that I had built up for over 15 years could be damaged by one person who was a newcomer.  I always disliked gossip, but after this experience I absolutely detest it and refuse to be drawn into it at all.  However, as I have learned, staying above it does not mean that you will not be a target yourself.

[zpage]

My response early on when someone came to me to gossip was to say " Hmmmn, I've never noticed that, but fill in blank with positive remark."  I was removed from the gossip chain.  I work my eight and enjoy my life outside of work - those who need gossip for entertainment need to do the same.

[ozbound]

I don't get in on the gossip. If I hear some, I keep in mind the old adage, "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all!"  As far as keeping out of the "gossip loop" myself, I have long-ago learned not to divulge too much personal info/stories other than the run-of-the mill "love my cats" and "worked in the yard this weekend..." kind of stuff.

Personally, the only kind of "gossip" I mind is that that affects me indirectly--someone doesn't like something about me, but they never tell me--they tell my supervisor or something and I'm none the wiser until it comes up in a bad review (or worse!) That's what really peeves me (and, I dare say, makes me feel a bit paranoid when I hear those office whispers!)

[arellum]

I was a victim of gossip and it was awful, when expecting my first baby I was asked "what happened to the other baby did you have it adopted".  It turned out that because my first husband and I married quickly some people presumed I was pregnant and when no baby arrived they spread the rumour that I must have had it adopted!!!! you can imagine the distress this caused, especially when I confronted the people concerned and they just shrugged and said "if you say so". It still rankles 20 years later.

[peaches2160]

Here in the southern US we have a viney weed called kudzu.  Once it starts growing it destroys everything in it's path and is very very hard to get rid of.  I consider office gossip and negativity "Kudzu".  I let people know early on in our depatments that "kudzu" will not be tolerated.  I saw how office gossip and negativity can destroy an exceptional department within our orgnization.  They are now ineffective and nonresponsive to internal customers needs.  I will not let it happen again.  I too respond with positive comments or simply reply "I don't know" or "Hmmmm"  "haven't heard anything about that".  Best way to be,

[peaches2160]

Many times when you are the target, it is because someone is threatened by you, your knowledge and experience, or just jealous.  Rise above it and don't play their game.