Is It Normal To Feel Left Out?

[bohorquez]

I have a question!  It's it normal for us to feel left out of the group?  For example, we're planning a company outing (baseball game) with us and one of our clients.  What we do is invite the client's team to come to a baseball game and we foot the bill for the tickets, food and drinks!  

Well I was asked to do the invitation and send it to the client.  I asked my boss is so and so's Admin invited, because I didn't want to ask her for a team roster and she does all that work for us and she's not invited?!?!  My boss said of course she's invited!  So off goes the invitation to everyone in the group.

I then find out that only a certain number of people from our office going (in fact almost everyone) but guess who's not invited to go.... yep you got it ... me!   But that was expected or should I have been invited??  Wait this post isn't about me.

Anyway, I get an email today from the Admin (of the client) and she just RSVPing for her boss.  And I asked her if she was going and she writes me back and said she was so suprised to get an invitation and that she felt funny going.  

I send her this response:

"Hey there,

I don't blame you for being surprised!  I understand though and I would have felt funny getting an invite too.  Being the admin of group, it's normal to be "left" out of the good, fun stuff!  I know that all too well, but shoot we hold the team together and we should go!!

But you're more then welcome to come!!  And don't feel funny!  I've gone to the holiday lunch and had a great time (but I haven't gone to a Cubs outing yet!).  We're an easy going group and lots lots of fun to hang out with!  Why would you want to miss that!

Bridget"

I just really wanted her to go and have a good time but I think she thinks I'm going....which I'm not because I wasn't asked if I wanted to go.  What are you opinions on this??  

I want to forward the whole email to my boss and she was she says but I'm not sure.
I already bcc a guy here at the office who's going, but I guess I really don't know why I did that but I just show "Hey we should be included on these little outing and not be left out because we're "admins" ".  

What do you guys think??  Why are we always left out??  

---
Bridget
Wife to Eduardo (12/4/99), Mommy to Aaron (10/26/01)

[Jackie G]

Was it assumed you'd assume you were going as your opposite number was invited, as was all the staff.  Heck I would!

I wouldn't even sweat about it - just when you're discussing it in open conversation, talk as if you're going and wait till you're told otherwise.  THEN you can make a fuss about being left out.  Until then, assume the best.

I was in this situation with clients a few years back.  They hold an annual lunch and until I got hold of it they never knew the exact numbers until the day itself (these are restaurateurs!!!).  Now we know well in advance, the hotel restaurant (one of the members) has the numbers on the Wednesday prior and I name badge all the guests.  He he he.

Anyway, the first year I was invited last minute.  The next year I was invited during the meeting when they discussed it.  The following year, the chairman had changed and she was discussing everything with me one day so I just said to her, and I assume I'm invited?  She was horrified that I had to ask and said I should just assume this was the case (they host the whole thing and it's a freebie I enjoy!)  For the last 4 years therefore, I've not asked if I'm invited, I've just assumed.  After all, I do all the blinking hard work organising it - the date is set practically a year in advance, I liaise with the hotel re numbers and seating (but I get to deal with the hotel's GM as he is also another of those assumed invitees, and so as we know each other well, it's a doddle!).  I get the thank you cards and emails (which I also pass on!) and everybody is quite good at returning their badges to me - I think I once already posted elsewhere that I recycle them for the next year as our guests don't vary too much!

Anyway, that was a long way of showing you how easy it is for folk to assume that you know you're invited, when you're not sure.  I say brazen it out and assume you're invited and go.  After all, if you turn up on the day and it turns out you shouldn't be there, nobody's going to make a fuss and kick you out, are they?

Enjoy!

Jackie
www.iqps.org
DeskDemon Forum Board Staff

[bethalize]

Did you send out the invitations? And did your boss get issued with one? I'll bet on yes to both of those.

If your boss assumes they are going, assume you are going too. I was in a similar situation and asked if I could go - and had a lovely evening. It was the only thing I got out of that damn company!

Project confidence. They probably expect you to go, so make the assumption and everyone has their assumption confirmed.

Bethalize
Deskdemon Forum Board Staff

[msmarieh]

I usually just ask straight out. Am I included in this event? Usually I advise the boss that I should be if for no other reason than to make sure that everything goes smoothly and any small glitches on site can be handled immediately.

As I have mentioned in prior posts I only work for bosses that treat their admin like a full status team member. That means if the team gets an outing, I get an outing!!!

Marie

[carrielgreen]

Hi Everyone, I've finally plucked up the courage to reply to a thread, as i'd like to share what happens to me when team events are arranged...

I'm a PA to the MD, who has a management team of 5. I'm included in all team events, which i arrange all aspects of. Everything i organise i assume i'm invited to as the majority of events need specific numbers..... However i've recently noticed my boss organises events that tend to be evenings out with the management team by himself. I think he does it because i'm not invited..... it gets a bit annoying when members of the management team assume i have organised the event, i end up telling them i have no idea what they're on about - which makes me and my boss look bad..... to be honest i think it just a man thing and he doesnt want to put me out by asking me to organise something i'm not invited to.....

[dedlered]

Hi Carrie,

Welcome!!!

It's always nice to have a new "voice" on the boards..

Laura
Deskdemon Forum Board Staff

[chris68]

Welcome Carrie! Glad to see you posting!  Looking forward to hearing more from you.

For me, most of the meetings are out of town or heck even out of state, so I often don't have the opportunity to go to these kinds of functions.  Also, as far as planning them; I only make reservations for a few key people that are in attendance, not necessarily planning the event from start to finish.  

I've only attended one dinner after hours as I had quite a bit of involvement in the planning, it was wonderful at our former owners country club.  Nice nice!

Chris68
Deskdemon Forum Board Staff

Edited by chris68 on 19/08/02 03:56 PM.

[countrigal]

Welcome Carrie!  And for the reason you show (bossie arranging his own meetings where admin isn't involved) I never assume I'm invited but always ask straight out.  Normally it's along the lines of "Is this a management-only type meeting or will you need to be there also?"  Bossie knows that I'm more than willing to attend anything he wants me to attend and will normally tell me straight out to include myself or that it's a specific team-meeting and he would like me to make their arrangements.

CountriGal
Deskdemon Editorial Board Member

[superninjaadmin]

I'm with Marie... I hope that the general corporate culture is becoming "inclusive" rather than "exclusive" - that includes admins, since they are very much part of the "team" or "department" or "company."  If I were you, I'd say something to your boss about it.  There is no time like the present to take opportunities like this one and move forward on working towards establishing an "inclusive" culture at work.  What's the old saying??? "It's better to beg for forgiveness than to ask for permission."  Sometimes you have to be bold, take initiative, work yourself into being part of the team by including yourself in meetings and external events, then taking action on opportunities and following through - that's how I did it.  

Good luck, Bridget!  

SNA (who is very much part of her management team) in AK

[debgephart]

I agree that corporate culture is becoming more inclusive. Perhaps they have learned that being "exclusive" didn't help the achievement culture that really makes the difference between the success and failure of a company.

It is better to ask and be told that it is for management only, than to assume and be found wrong (it could also signal to higher-ups that the working relationship with your manager may be lacking in vital comunication)