Co worker taking all the credit for joint effort

[Alice P.]

I am sure someone has had this issue and I am sure they will in the future, but I need to vent a bit.  My co worker and I just completed a three month project / meeting.  The meeting was a three day affair off site, I handled all the details, but she had signature authority.   We had to create many creative presentations and hand outs including advanced reporting on excel.   We worked about equally on these reports (I think mine were better).  Ok, I may be petty, but I did ALL the work, all the contacts, actually the ONLY thing she did was use her level for payments.   On the last day of the meeting our division manager called her in front of everyone attending and presented her with flowers and a nice bottle of wine as a thank you for all her work.   She went up and accepted without so much as an acknowledgement for my contribution or the fact that I did ALL the work.  My manager knows what I did, and came up to me later and said, he didnt know that was going to happen and would talk to the division manager and clarify who was actually responsible.   I said don't bother (I was really agitated to put it nicely).   It was so ... wrong.  I have never felt so disrespected in what I do, nor betrayed.  I guess I wanted to share my story with those who can relate.  Not that there is much to do about it anyway.   In the future if asked to work with her again, I will kindly request to my projects on my own if possible.   

grrrr

[Cathy S]

Hello Alice, how sad that someone should be so unprofessional as to not at least acknowledge your efforts.  It is a reflection on her though and not in any way on you.

I'll always remember the first time I acknowledged the Janitors assistance to his line manager ... several days later he appeared and looked a bit sheepish, then he said he wanted to say thank you because noone had ever done anything like that before.  I was stunned ... I do it all the time if someone has worked with me and deserves, thanks, credit and/or praise I make sure it is received and others (such as their line manager) know their support etc is appreciated.

It works both ways too ... funny that I never had trouble getting Janitor assistance after that!

My advice is head up, accept your boss's acknowledgment that you deserve credit and keep your dignity.  If some acknowledgement from higher up is forthcoming accept it with grace and enjoy the moment ... oh and never forget that what goes around comes around!

Cathy

[gee4]

Firstly Alice well done you on all your efforts but shame, shame, shame on those that took all the credit.  Nothing worse than cheating in my book.  How on earth your colleague had the nerve to accept praise and gifts and not even mention your name is extremely unprofessional. 

Who was actually appointed project manager?

I know it's difficult to accept but at least your boss acknowledged your input.  It's sad we have to suffer these individuals who cannot give praise to those who supported them.

[Katie G]

I've been there and, sadly, I'm afraid this is just one of those "facts of office life", particularly for admins.  That said, it doesn't make it right, and it in no way takes away from your right to feel the way you're feeling. 

I'm glad YOUR boss knows what you did.  His offer to say something to the higher ups was kind, but I think you were right to keep him from doing anything.  I've seen it done, and no matter how it's worded, it seems like ultimately it's going to be interpreted as sour grapes.  Perhaps a better solution is to ask your boss to put a note in your file regarding your contributions.  That way it can be referenced during review/raise time!  (Which I'd prefer over wine and flowers anyway!  )

[Alice P.]

I took the high road, didn't complain or whine (not including here, and inside I was furious but didn't let it show) and today I received a letter to go in my file on the great job that was done.  From what my boss said, the other EA was tactually and respectfully ask by her boss (the one who wrote my Achievement letter) about the details of setting up the meetings and she got tongue tied and had to say the only thing she did was sign the papers.  He respectfully asked her who did (he already knew it was me) and she told him and he just mentioned she really should have mentioned my involvement.  Her reasoning was it surprised her and she wasn't thinking at the time, just a bit overwhelmed. (here I will say.. yeah, right    )  He asked her how do you think Alice feels?  I didn't really get answer to what she said there.  I am actually impressed with the professionalism that has occurred.  She was reprimanded in a way that left her with her respect.  I will add even though all this sounds hunky dory.  I wont work nor trust her in the future.

[peaches2160]

Alice-  First I want to congratulate you for taking the high road.  It never fails, what goes around comes around, I have seen it too many times.  I recently had a similar situation happen to me.  Started a project and worked with another person when the project got to a point where conceptually I knew what needed to happen from a process standpoint, but technically had to rely on their expertise.  Although I had met with IT with this person and even met with my boss and this person to get final approval, when the new online process was demontrated to the team on a team conference call webex, my name never came up and this person took all of the credit.  Even to the point of where I asked questions and she talked over me on the call and never responded to my questions.  I was upset, but took the high road.  My boss knows the truth. Needless to say, I do not trust this person and when she needs to meet with my boss on matters, I hate to say it, but I do not show flexibility in the schedule like I used to.  I control his time and don't let her schedule at her convenience. It is, unfortunately, a part of "office life".  There are some out there that just feel the need to get "kudos" any way they can and take credit for someone elses efforts. 

[msmarieh]

Although I think you have learned some valuable lessons for the future for ensuring your involvement and efforts are recognized, I think you may have also picked up some unnecessary cynicism.

Many people do indeed get completely tongue tied when unexpectedly (even expectedly) asked to speak in front of a group. It can be a very high pressure situation and it is not uncommon for every thought to fly out of their head.

Should she have mentioned your involvement? Absolutely. No question whatsoever and I completely understand your frustration and annoyance and distrust.

Did she deliberately omit you? Maybe, but not necessarily. You may be assuming intent where there was only thoughtlessness.

The larger question in my mind is if she does this type of behavior all the time.  If she does, then you are absolutely right to avoid interacting with her as much as possible and to conduct all future communications with her in writing so you have a paper trail.

I hope you'll consider forgiving her (since as one of my favorite old sayings goes, bitterness and not forgiving are like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die) even if you don't fully trust her going forward. 

If it were me, I would go to lunch with her and tell her that her lack of recognition of my efforts hurt me and that it was going to be difficult for me to work in partnership with her going forward and I would give her an opportunity to apologize (and if she didn't, I would have a clear conscience in avoiding her completely). But then, I generally prefer to face problems with co-workers head on and try to get them worked out directly. I know that approach is difficult for many people and that many people would not be comfortable doing it.

[Cathy S]

Alice, I am really pleased that your company has handled it well and as you say the other party has been shown her error, but still maintains her dignity. 

My thinking is similar to Marie's though ... you say you can never trust her and won't work with her again ... which is a shame because you are not giving her an opportunity to demonstrate that she can behave differently.  She is the one that needs to mend fences and rebuild your trust in her, but if you don't give her the chance to do so you will never know if she can/will. 

They say that you are only as good as your last job ... so right now you are good and have a note to prove it ... she got the public accolade but then was pulled up for it ... If you cannot manage lunch as Marie suggests, move on but when your paths cross again try to be magnanimous in giving her a chance - you have the moral high ground right now so why not keep it?

By having a negative approach to people that have crossed us we risk becoming so focused on preventing them doing whatever that we undermine our own standards and professionalism.

I am not saying it is easy ... but not everything worth doing is easy!

Good luck, Cathy

[gee4]

Alice,

A further note from me on this and in reply to some of the other postings.....

I think your colleague should be taking YOU to lunch and not the other way round.  She was in the wrong, she was pulled for it and should be the one to make things right with you.

It's funny how some people seem to side with the perpetrator and not the victim.  We can't always be forgiving to everyone about everything.  It that was the case we would all be complete walkovers and wouldn't take a stand about anything.

I don't believe you have to have to give her a second chance at all.  I think firstly she has to acknowledge she did wrong.  Why would you give anyone the chance to demonstrate that they can behave differently?  This person had an opportunity to behave appropriately first time around, and didn't. 

Bottom line here, you have to decide what is comfortable for you, but I certainly wouldn't go along with anything just because it may be the right thing.  What is right for someone else may not be right for you.

[Cathy S]

Gee,

believe me noone that has worked alongside me would describe me as a walkover, but I do treat people the way I expect to be treated.  If I had made the mistake in this case I would have been at Alice's desk with a sincere apology and trying to make amends and I would like to think that Alice would give me the chance to do that.  I wouldn't expect her to trust me immediately because trust is earned and built up over time.

Some of the best colleagues I have worked with have been people who got off on the wrong foot with me and yet giving a second chance has allowed the situation to be turned round to both our advantages.

As to siding with perpetrator or victim ... I am siding with noone ... I never take an individual's side in a disagreement - I look at both sides of the equation and try to encourage them to do the same.  If more people thought about how another person is feeling in the situation we would all get along much more readily in the world - as Marie said it is easy to mistake a moment's thoughtlessness for a deliberate slight.

[msmarieh]

Gee, I am inclined to agree with you that the colleague should take Alice to lunch, however, that is what it is. I didn't suggest that Alice pay for her colleague's lunch, merely eat with her.

I am not siding with either side here. I am merely giving an alternative perspective to consider. I think some people (and I am not referring to Alice here, simply in general) make *themselves* the victim by looking for offense where none was necessarily intended. It causes untold amounts of grief and drama where it is completely unnecessary.

Do I think we should forgive everyone every time? No, I don't. As I indicated in my post though, there is a difference between a first offense and a repeated pattern. I don't encourage anyone to be gullible. However, there are myriad ways to be assertive in correcting relationships and I happen to believe in trying to work it out with people rather than throwing hissy fits and acting like a drama queen.

Alice, I wish you well in determining your next course of action. I hope you will consider which resolutions will best help your professional development and career. As it's commonly said, we can't choose what actions happen to us, but we can choose our reactions to the situations.

[mlm668]

Marie,

I agree that sometimes when a person is asked to speak to a group, it can cause them to be flustered and tongue tied.  I would be one of those.  However, if that was the case, wouldn't you agree that this preson should have gone to her boss afterwards and 'fessed up that she was so caught off guard, she negelcted to recognize Alice's contribution and suggest a way for it to be recognized?  It would not have been easy to do, but definately would have been much better than what did happen.

Just my $0.02.

[gee4]

Couldn't agree more.

[msmarieh]

Absolutely ML, I agree 100% that she should have done so.

[Trish Johnson]

Hi Alice, I hear you, believe me! LOL! We have all had the mispleasure of these attention seeking suckers that could take the joy out of Christmas! However, I show how to deal with this type of person in my posts on exactly this topic - check it out and I think you will see there is help! I post on here of course, but since there are so many problems with the 'mechanics' of the posting, and Susan and I can't figure it out yet - they're working on it.

Anyway, I have a number of posts listed if you are interested right on DD. Click this link to read what I had to say on this 'insecure' coworker situation - [URL removed by JackieG - TOS violation]

Please email me back and let me know what you thought of  it and if you feel better, and/or if it helped you out at all. I'd appreciate your feedback please Alice.

From someone that knows....

Trish