Is it my place?

[mlm668]

Regardless of her other behavior, she has no right to comment on your family situation in the manner she did.  I wouldn't have shown half the restraint you did.  I had my first child at 17 (my senior year) and my parents later adopted him.  I've run into the opposite situation when folks see his picture on my desk and I say he's my brother.  But never once have I been insulted in that manner when I explain that he is actually my son, etc., etc.  He knows the whole story and that I love him and that is all that matters.  Being a teenage mother is not the end of the world, as you well know.  I know many women who "started young" and the only difference between us and those we grew up with is that we "got caught" and they didn't.  At least we took responsiblity for our circumstances.  If anything, I think it makes me a better, more understanding mother with my daughters.  It gives me something to use as an example of why they shouldn't give in to certain behaviors - they see the consquences of those choices.  

Kill this woman with kindness and remember that you are the better person.  I know it will be hard to tune her out, but document what adversely affects you and your employer.  Eventually something will be done.

Michelle

[jadegrniiz]

Well, the HR director came in just before lunch and said to Marge: "I'm going to ABC Pizza for lunch, wanna join me?"  Naturally, Marge agreed.... they were gone for 2 hours, and so far, Marge has been eerily quiet since she got back. Didn't even make her "Grand" appearance "I'm BAAAAACK!" comment that she normally makes. Been real quiet. Even while talking on the phone to others.

Guess she was talked to. I sure hope it gets better.

Jadegrniiz
Peer Moderator

[jadegrniiz]

Ok.... afternoon update:

She's been quiet all afternoon, and just a few minutes ago stood in front of us all (there are 3 admins) and said "You know guys - if there something I say or do that offends you, can you tell ME as opposed to going to Ms. Executive Director? I mean, I'm certainly open for criticism, and I sure wish you'd come to me before going to my boss."

Inappropriate to bring it up, maybe.... but at least I know she was spoken to.

Jadegrniiz
Peer Moderator

[Jackie G]

But Jade, she was so insensitive to all your feelings that she clearly hadn't a clue she was, until your HR director talked to her.  Good thing too, hopefully things will calm down - keep us posted, we know you will!

Jackie
www.iqps.org
Peer Moderator

[raindance]

Make a note of what she said in your diary and don't mention it to her unless you need to at some stage.  Sounds as though we have had our wings clipped a bit - she won't forget it. I hope this spells the start of a better working relationship for you all.  

Best of luck.

Raindance

[blufire21]

Ok, allow me to play the devil's advocate for a second.  It sounds to me like she was trying to put herself on the map right off the bat.  Now I'll agree that what she did was not right, but I'm thinking by her last comment that she was really trying to make a big (not saying good) first impression.  I still think what she did was very crass and inconsiderate, but I do see why she might.

Ellen in TX

[patphi]

I'm glad to hear it's going better.  

Maybe she did want to make a big "splash" so to speak.  But there are more appropriate ways to do it.  Believe me, I've seen some of the same type of behavior and if it is not "nipped in the bud" it continues to get worse.

Congratulations on the courage to stand by your convictions.  And good luck.  Keep us posted on how things go.

Pat in Orlando

[chris68]

Believe me it will rear its ugly head again and probably much worse the second time.  Just keep in mind that things are that way and watch out.  Keep it business oriented converstations only and it should be okay.  I've seen this before, just be careful.

Lets hope the worst of it is over.

Chris68
Peer Moderator

[countrigal]

There's always the chance that she has been "clipped" and will have learned from her errors.  Congratulations on having the courage to go to the HR Director regarding this person at this time.  Now that she has spoken, though, I would give her the benefit of the doubt and go to her directly next time.  I'm thinking, if she's speaking on the phone, wandering around, being loud, etc... go to her, tap her on the shoulder, smile a professional smile, and politely ask her to lower her voice.  The more personal issues (attacking you regarding the kids, the pay offer, making fun of other employee, etc) I wouldn't touch with anyone except HR, but some of these other issues might be able to be handled on a individual, person-to-person contact.  If she has learned her lesson, this friendly reminder might be enough to make her new behavior turn into habit.  If not, you'll still be documenting stuff, so you can always take it to HR again.

CountriGal
Peer Moderator

[jadegrniiz]

OOooOh good grief. This woman is a piece of work.

This afternoon, we (3 admins + our 2 bosses + Marge) were all joking about "senior citizens discounts" offered at local stores. One of the bosses is notorious for shopping only in places she can get a discount, and from time to time we all raz her about it. Marge (who I think is in her upper 40s) jokingly said she was "39 and Waaaay too young for any discounts." Well, older bossie laughed, and said "ok, yeah right! Must be the 5th anniversary of your 39th Birthday, right?"  Here's Marge's verbatim response:

"If I weren't in such a decent office, I'd flip you a bird for that comment, Bossie.. :::she laughs::::  Heaven forbid I'd do aaaannnnnything like THAT, because then someone might go running to HR and TATTLE on me! :::::laughs::::::"

So, off I go to my documentation journal....the way it's going now,  I think I'll present it to HR on her 80th day of employment. (90 days is probabtion and can be terminated for any reason).

Jadegrniiz
Peer Moderator

[peana]

She gets worse!

Maybe I'm a prude, but I don't think there are any work situations where you should 'flip someone a bird', especially if you've only been there a short time.  It's one thing to laugh and joke with people, but behaviour like that in the office tends to escalate and should be left to a more social setting.  Even then there are boundaries, and that is one I would never cross - she is absolutely unreal!  I cannot believe she would be so dense to even think such a thing would be acceptable, especially since she's been warned about appropriate behaviour.

Unfortunately I don't have any advice to offer you other than just keep making your notes.  I hope things improve and don't forget we're always here for you to let off steam, rather than losing it with her.

[andream]

Actually, she's fishing for allies in my opinion.  She's determined that you guys, meaning the Admin team are the ones responsible for "ratting her out" so to speak, therefore she's going to try very hard to ingratiate herself with those she feels are more important, aka, the bossies.  Before I can even begin to make further commentary, I simply MUST ask, what was bossie's response to her comment? Rather than smile and nod or even a participatory laugh, that comment should have been met with at the very least a stony stare and at the most, a quietly worded comment which clearly showed that this is not, was not and will not ever be a laughing matter.

Based on what you've told us if the person gets one whif of a potential ally, it could become an "US" and "THEM" scenario very  very quickly.

[jadegrniiz]

I agree with the ally comment, Andrea. She seems to be trying her darndest to stay in high regard with the other Directors.

Her comment, however, was ignored. She had already walked into her office,  so the shocked and scornful looks she got were not seen.

I'm just documenting. I'm probably also going to start putting my feelers out into the job market... but I'll post about that in a seperate thread sometime today when I have the time.

Jadegrniiz
Peer Moderator