Message #63095

[diotima]

The last boss I had before I retired was an absolute bitch; the more I think about this question the more I wonder whether a psychiatrist would call her a sociopath.

She was a salaried partner in a firm of solicitors here in Wiltshire, and she was very clever and devious, a really successful bully. The ones I've met before have been third-raters compared with her. I went to work for her as a temp during which time her behaviour to me was normal, the bullying started when I became permanent. She knew I was vulnerable; after our divorce my ex skipped off to the middle east without paying me the settlement, and I needed every penny to keep my home. In your mid-50s jobs aren't easy to get however good you are.  She knew, and used, every way of belittling and manipulating people, not just the office staff. Bossie blamed me, endlessly, for losing files, documents, whatever, even for losing her security card for the electronic banking system. This last one, when I tipped her wallet out of her handbag the security card fell out with her credit cards - she didn't say anything, she couldn't. She'd often use the most sarcastic and condescending way of speaking to me, as if I was incapable of doing anything properly. Lord knows how many times I bailed her out of her mistakes! In between she gave me jewellery, a handbag, expensive scarves, none of which I ever used; it was impossible to refuse them, she could be so charming when she wanted. Fortunately for me, when I worked in the railway industry I was a union rep and had training in dealing with bullies, and recognised her behaviour. I'm also very organised, methodical, had a good detailed map of the caseload in my head, and strong enough to have kept telling myself that she's responsible for her own behaviour, it's not my fault, and that it reflects only on her, not on me. Even so, I was worried about being hounded out of my job and not being able to pay the mortgage, and it made me ill. She has no regard at all for anyone else's feelings, and no conscience about her actions and hurting people, she's only interested in her own gratification.

She slipped up one day when she called me into her office and started to give me what amounted to a performance review. This firm doesn't do performance reviews. She made several accusations that I could refute with facts and witnesses, and I wrote a formal letter asking for written evidence to back up her statements (I have legal training too), stating that if I didn't have a written retraction by a given date I'd put it on record that she and the firm accepted that her accusations were untrue, and copied it to the senior partner. The date went by without any response, which was what I expected, and I put it in writing, again copied to the senior partner. He came into my office red-faced and shouting that I couldn't say that. I just said, very politely, that I could, and had, and if he didn't like it, we'd just have to agree to disagree. He never said anything else about it. Neither bossie or he had realised that I knew she was leaving but the daily impromptu meetings behind closed doors and her sudden enthusiasm for catching up with things she'd ignored for ages, were a dead giveaway. I'd promised myself that I would see her off, and I did. I also sent back all her presents, packed in a jiffy bag with no postage on it and no note. You can tell how low I was feeling by then, to get some satisfaction from a gesture like that.

I have a lot of legal experience and unfortunately, that industry has a real problem with bullying, it's endemic because the industry is class-ridden and very old-boy male dominated. A poor Oxbridge degree still counts for more than real ability and a red-brick uni qualification. It might well be different in central London, but it's definitely this way in the smaller towns. She got away with it for 13 years (and 15 secretaries, I discovered along the way) because the firm knew of the problem - they could hardly have missed it - but didn't have the moral courage to do anything about it. Solicitors in UK do seven years' training, but none of it is in management; no legal firm I've worked for outside a big city has ever had anyone with even the most minimal management training, apart from in I.T. The Law Society (the solicitors' training body and trade union, for people outside U.K.) has a lot to answer for.

I worked for myself for 18 months until I hit retirement age, then packed it in. My own solicitors (a very big firm in central Bristol, not a market town hack)  managed to get my ex arrested at Heathrow Airport earlier this year and a judge took his passport away until he paid me everything he was supposed to plus interest. Now my house is my own, there's a decent sum in the bank, and I can afford concerts, the theatre, and other things I enjoy. Life is great :-)

Bossie's career move, intended to get her an equity partnership, didn't work out, and she's now working in another firm in the same town, as an assistant solicitor - the lowest grade of qualified solicitor.