Chivalry is truly dead...

[spitfire78]

So, here I am walking from our copy room (all the way on the far side of the building).  I'm headed all the way through that building, outside and across the parking lot, and over to my building with a copy paper box over half full of copied reports.  Here comes big bossie going my way.  Oh, he was very chivalrous - he held the doors for me!  Now that was 4 doors he had to hold for me (and I was appreciative of that, since it is even more difficult to do when you also have to open doors), but that's all he did.  Never once did he offer to take the box.  Now, I am very short and he is very tall, which means I have to take 2 strides to every one of his.  He told me that he would hold the doors open for me, but then I had to rush to keep up with him!  Another worker actually coming in the opposite direction (a woman, of course!) offered to help me, but he said, "oh no, she doesn't need help, after all I'm opening the doors for her!"  We all laughed, and I know he did not mean it in a nasty way at all.  But I was pretty surprised that he didn't even offer to carry the darn thing.  He's a very down-to-earth person and not a snob, so I know he didn't consider it beneath him to carry the box.  I honestly think it just never occurred to him!

I'm sure there are lots of similar stories out there.  It's Friday, which is usually quiet here, but let's see if we can amuse each other with tales of things that our male bosses/coworkers have watched us struggle with but won't help!  I'm sure there's better stories out there than mine -- let's hear them!

[gee4]

I put it down to the fact that men don't want their nice suits messed up and think that cos we do this sort of thing at home, it's ok to let us carry on doing it in work.  They would know all about it if you dropped it, broke your toe and put in a claim!

G

[mlm668]

At least he offered to help, that's more than most men are comfortable doing anymore.  And I say comfortable because the women's movement made it bad for a man to assume (by asking) that a women couldn't do things for herself that would have been a man's job before.  And that includes lugging boxes.

I work in a construction company and the guys around here offer, but pretty much know that I will do it myself.  If I can't, I ask for help and its not often I do.  And the fact that I do most of the grunt work myself is appreciated.  They are just as busy as I am.  Why wait on them to do something later that I can get done now?  

Michelle

[ozbound]

Gee, if you really think about it, Bossies' darned if he does and darned if he doesn't--if you dropped that box and broke your toe, there would be a lawsuit--if he offered to carry it and you called it gender-based discrimination, there's a lawsuit--a lawsuit here, a lawsuit there, everywhere a lawsuit--quack quack quack!

*Just having a little fun with ya*

[chris68]

True but I see your point.  Sad sad state of affairs isn't it?

Chris68
Peer Moderator

[catsmeat]

Reminds me of a quick retort I heard when a man held open a door for a rather strident feminist type, who sneeringly informed him that she didn't need the door held open because she was a woman.  His response was "I'm not doing it because you're a woman.  I'm doing it because I am a gentleman."

[peana]

Perfect timing on this post – I’ve just had a whole series of experiences myself that I was planning to share on my return to the office!

I spent the weekend at a music festival held at a seaside holiday camp.  The train down was very busy and it was a very small, very rickety 1950’s train with slam doors, etc..  An elderly lady on crutches got on the train and no one offered her a seat!!!  I couldn’t believe it – she must have been in her 70s and was very unstable on her feet.  I wasn’t sitting near her, but as the train had long bench seats I gave up my seat and got everyone to slide along so she could sit at the other end.  I didn’t mind standing, it was only for about 25 minutes, but was flabbergasted that the rest of the carriage were prepared to watch her struggling.

However, my faith in human nature was soon to be restored.  Once off the train we were stocking up on food for the weekend, and was just pipped to the post on the last packet of veggie sausages.  I had a joke with the guy who’d beaten me to them, and then carried on with the shopping.  However, a few minutes later he came up to me and said they’d got enough other stuff and did I want the sausages?  How cool was that – very unexpected, and very generous!

How long would it last though!  Once we were on site and installed in our chalet we proceeded to the bar.  Unfortunately everyone else had the same idea and it was pretty busy – all etiquette went out of the window and everyone was pushing in.  I could feel myself getting riled again, until the guy next to me was served and offered to order my drinks as well.  Calm and good vibes were restored!

A similar situation arose again that evening, but this time it was the guy next to me who was struggling to get served.  The barmaid was about to serve someone else, so I pointed him out to her.  She served him next and then he insisted she serve me – cool.  I explained to the barmaid that I wasn’t having a go at her and could see how hectic it was.  She was really nice about it, and once again my spirits were lifted.  

The following morning I got up early and went for a long walk on the beach before everyone else in the chalet was up.  It was really peaceful and quiet, with only a handful of people about, and just the perfect way to start the day.  At about 1000 a young family appeared with a little boy of about 2 or 3 – he was a bit grizzly, but not behaving terribly.  The dad leaned over his buggy and with his face just inches away screamed at him to shut up – what an excellent way to try and calm him down!  My moment of tranquillity was shattered, so I decided to head back for breakfast.  On the way I called into the shop, and had my mood boosted again when the guy coming out insisted on holding the door for me and letting me through ahead of him.

I seemed to spend the rest of the weekend with a similar series of highs and lows and it made me reflect on how such little things really affect your mood.  I’ve therefore decided to make it a Spring resolution to be more aware of my actions and how they affect others.  How long this will last now I’m back in the city I don’t know, but I’ll give it my best shot!!