Week of June 28th-Tears in the workplace.

[gee4]

Thanks Uber - will do that!

G

[ecogirl]

I started a new job 6 weeks, 4 days and 4 hours ago (but who's counting) and have certainly felt like crying almost constantly which I was never like before.  Most of the people are horrible, the boss/owner is the worst.  I was also told to "make allowances" for a member of staff who "has problems".  One of her problems culminated in an almost volioent incident and the boss's answer was to threaten to sack us all, even those of us who weren't involved. He has continued to threaten to sack me approx 3 times a week since then. I only wish I could afford to walk out!

[raindance]

The one time that I did cry in front of my boss (a few years ago now) I was sent out to have tea and cake (at Bossie's expense). So sometimes, there are some compensations!

In general, I would agree that crying is not very professional.  On the other hand, we are all human and occasionally things may get too much.  If I felt like crying, I would probably absent myself from a situation and chill out for a little while.  I might also talk to a colleague I trusted before trying to resolve/progress the matter in question.

Raindance

[twhfan]

I posted a while ago about a co-worker who cried frequently at work about both personal and work-related issues. And most of the issues she cried over seemed pretty trivial, not tragedies by any means.  It absolutely drove me crazy and made me very uncomfortable.  I'm not a cold, un-feeling person, but it really got to be too much.  I eventually learned how to deal with her a little better by just listening and letting her get it out.  I definitely feel that her professional image has suffered, however.  A lot of people just don't take her as seriously now when she complains about an issue.

As for me, I have cried at work for a work-related issue only once and thankfully I didn't do it in front of my boss - I didn't want to give her the satisfaction.  When I was a poor, young single girl living on my own, I struggled to make ends meet.  My clothes were neat, clean, and professional, but definitely not haute couture (?sp).  My boss called me into her office and told me, "You need to update your wardrobe. I wouldn't wear what you have on to the grocery store!"

I was absolutely mortified.  I wanted to scream that she made about $100,00 per year more than me, but instead I quietly said that my current salary didn't allow for much of a clothes budget, and perhaps she should look at that.  She looked shocked that I spoke back to her, then I excused myself, went to the ladies room and cried my eyes out.  It was such a personal attack that I couldn't help myself.  

I know we are all human, but my own opinion is that professional images suffer by crying often in the workplace (for work-related reasons).

[flyingfingers]

I've put this off all week, but now I'll confess that after 11 years in this office I recently cried--and the worst part was that it was in front of my boss.  He has a sarcastic manner, but always says he's just kidding.  He left me a scathing voicemail in a very serious (not kidding!) tone of voice.  Later when he saw me he asked me if I'd gotten the voicemail, and I broke down and cried (and it was not just a few tears--it was full-blown sobs--not a pretty sight!).  I've been very frustrated and hurt before because of his sarcasm, but I'd never cried in front of him and what upset me most was not what he said, but that he saw me cry!  He ended up apologizing and insisting that he was kidding.  I think my crying was a culmination of putting up with his cutting sarcasm for so many years.  

[movinonup]

Finally have time to add my story.

Two years ago I had applied for a transfer on the sly.  My out-of-town boss received my e-mailed request on his home e-mail, read over my resume, and made an appointment with me for an interview early in the morning at our site.  (He was scheduled to be here anyway, due to a customer visit.)

I had discussed the whole situation ahead of time with my mentor, and had practiced how to deliver my  proposal.  My mentor said this was probably just a formality, since the out-of-town boss wouldn't have agreed to see me if he didn't agree about the transfer.

So it comes down to the morning of the appointment, and he meets with another person instead of me, and keeps coming out to tell me he's sorry, but will meet with me later.  As an coordinator, I don't have all kinds of free time to sit around and wait.  So I go back to my desk, and he finally comes to get me an hour later.
I'm busy with other things, but put them aside to go for the meeting.

I give him my proposal, which dealt with moving assignments around a bit, giving higher priority to his work than to my on-site boss, acting as a liason for him at this site, etc.  He totally shuts me down in his response, and says this change is not necessary at all.  He says I'm doing such a good job for his department as it is, that he doesn't want to change anything, and doesn't have the budget for it anyway.

SO WHY DID HE AGREE TO MEET WITH ME???

I was just stunned.  I quickly grabbed the resume still sitting there on the table, and said it was best that that didn't get circulated back to my boss.  I stood up to leave, and he said, "Sue...you're not planning on leaving the company over this, right?"

I was so emotional at that time, all I could do was shake my head and say, "Not at the moment, no,"  and run for the restroom, where I just cried my eyes out.

You've got to understand, I was working for a tyrant at the time, and everyone knew what a jerk he was.  People were either quitting or getting fired from his department every day.  I really thought this was going to be my escape to a brighter future.  

So then I had to return to work and help with the prep work for the customer visit.  The presentations were coming at me from all directions, and the man who had interviewed me was standing there, trying to "help" me get it all organized.  I really needed to work on it by myself, but he stood there, moving copies about, etc.  It ended up being a total mess, and had to be redone.  We are talking about a day that will live in infamy in my work journal.

The story does (finally) have a happy ending, however.

Now it's two years later, and I HAVE been transferred to the other department. As a result of a reorganization, this director decided they did have the budget after all, so moved me there a month ago.


Movinonup

[supergirl]

I love a good story with a happy ending!  Congratulations on getting out of a bad situation.

Supergirl

[countrigal]

I've only cried twice at work due to work, and they've both been in the last month.  Luckily, neither time did I do it in front of my boss but a co-worker did have the misfortune to see me break down the first time, and I think she went straight to my boss and said something to her 'cause she handled me differently for the rest of the day.  The 2nd time was with the same boss, the same issue, but I managed to have my office to myself (1 office, 2 desks, only one of which is manned daily -- mine) and then made it to a friend's office on my break to really get over it.

I don't feel it's very professional to cry over work, but I know that there are times that it will occur and all we can do is make the best of it.  Limiting who sees us when we breakdown is the best we can hope for and I hope to be able to continue in that vein in the years to come.

CountriGal
Peer Moderator