Remaining Professional

[khoward]

Help!  I work as the principal's secretary in an elementary school, and have a parent that is driving me crazy!!!!! She is obsessed with the idea someone is out to steal her child, and sits in her car across the street from the school and watches to make sure proper coverage is in the school yard, protecting her child,  problem arose as she started calling the school everyday to complain about one thing or another, always making negative remarks about school personal, and finally, she called another employee and told her I am an as_ -whole!!!! I was angry at first, and glad I didn't have to see her right then.  As I thought about it, I decided to treat her as I always do, with respect and professionalism, what do you think?  I know it will be hard, but am I right to "turn the other cheek?"

[gee4]

Yes - you cannot get involved - you are doing a professional job.  Let her take up any issues with the head of the school - that's not your job.

Ask her to put her complaints in writing and tell her that is the only way the head will deal with it.

G

[raindance]

This is most extraordinary.  I'm tempted to wonder whether this lady has anything to do -  such as housework, interests or friends, or paid employment - if she is spending so much time on these surveillance activities.  

You are quite right in maintaining a courteous and professional manner towards this person.  

However, for your own protection, I would advise keep short notes of any contact with her, and even remarks that are passed onto you (although I have a healthy mistrust of secondhand "information").  Additionally,  you may wish to seek advice from your school principal as to how to deal with her.  

Best wishes,

Raindance

[geminigirl]

Both Gee and Raindance are correct.  Absolutely you must remain professional and polite and I also urge that you take notes of any contact you have with her, either over the phone, face to face, or secondhand information.

I would also advise that you let your principal know what is happening with this person.

CYA is the main order of the day ;-)

Good luck!

[officeguru]

I have to be in agreement with everyone else - maintaining professionalism is something that has to be done as long as the contact is made while you are in your role.  However, should she ever confront you outside of your role - i.e, the supermarket, post office, etc - then I'd say you could have a say in your opinion on what's been going on.  But some may even argue that you should stay professional even in that situation.

Out of curiosity - is this the woman's first child going to school?  Sounds like she's taking the extreme in being over protective.

Let us know how things work out....

[spitfire78]

Absolutely you must remain professional.  And I agree that you should document, document, document.  And bring this behavior to the attention of your boss.

However, to look at the other side of the coin... perhaps this woman has reason to be nervous about her child's safety.  There could be an ex-husband or boyfriend who has threatened her or her child.  Perhaps she knows someone whose child was attacked or kidnapped.  Maybe she's not handling it in the best manner, but if that is the case one could hardly blame her for being overprotective.  Has anyone tried to speak with her about her fears and find out if there is a basis for them?  Perhaps someone could approach her and tell her that the school is committed to protecting the safety of the children and they would appreciate it if she would let them know if there is a specific threat they need to be aware of.  

[officeguru]

Thats a good point Spitfire.... I didn't even think to look in that direction, just at the possibility of a first time mom sending her child off to school.  Thanks for showing...at least me.... a different perspective to see.  

[dettu]

Also, she might have a bit of a mental illness. When I was a kid, one of my neighborhood friends had a mom who had breakdowns and they would be preceded by weeks of behavior like what you describe--crazy watching of the children and accusing other adults of all kinds of stuff. I believe at one point my mom ended up watching the two children until the husband could be called home from work, as Mary had lost it altogether...so she may not even be in real control of her actions. Keeping a record of what's happening is your best bet. And as much kindness as you can manage toward both the child and the mother.

[Katie G]

I second Dettu.   Be extra nice to the kid.   Sadly, I know from personal experience just how mortifying this kind of behavior from a parent can be.

Document EVERYTHING and give your principal a heads-up.  

[donnap99]

Wow. I second all of the above and send you special vibes for an unearthly level of patience!


DonnaP99

[khoward]

THanks for the support, no contact with her today, but I did forward all information regarding her to the superintendent of schools.
No, this is not her first child, although she did adopt her from Russia.  I understand she was the same way with her first child though...................Thanks again, your kind words were very appreciated!
K

[claudiamag]

This is what the first thing that came to my mind when I read the original post.  When we were children we had a neighbor who suffered with mental illness - at the time untreated.  At times she was just fine, but she would have "breakdowns" and become extremely paranoid.  During those time she believed that someone was trying to steal her daughters, so she would keep them in the house with her all day when they weren't in school - the the windows shut and the drapes closed, no noise, no tv and sometime she would make them go in the basement.  In her mind she was doing the best thing for them by hiding them.  What finally was the breaking point was when one day she got so bad that she decided that she tied the girls together in the basement and call the husband to tell him she was going to kill them and herself because it was the only way to make sure they were always with her and "safe".  Of course the husband called 911 and the cops were there in seconds.  The wife was committed to a hospital and given treatment.  We saw her a few years ago.  Her daughters are all grown and her husband had past away.  She seemed happy although she told did tell us that she very much fears falling back into the nightmare she lived with.   But she tries to keep her spirits up and said she thanks God every day for the medication that save her life.

So please, hard as it may be, try to be patient with this woman.  She might be suffering with this more than you know.  To her this might be a very real threat and she is only doing what she feels is the best thing for her children.  

[dettu]

School secretaries are a special breed--I could never do that job, I don't have the patience. This is one appreciative parent letting you know how VERY much appreciated you are!

We always give our school's secretary a present at Christmas, and lots of hugs in between (she's quite a hugger!). We want her to know how much her work means to us. But I can imagine not all school secretaries are as lucky as she is, so here's your hug: *hug*

[khoward]

Thank you very, very much!