Message #71832

[msmarieh]

Although I think you have learned some valuable lessons for the future for ensuring your involvement and efforts are recognized, I think you may have also picked up some unnecessary cynicism.

Many people do indeed get completely tongue tied when unexpectedly (even expectedly) asked to speak in front of a group. It can be a very high pressure situation and it is not uncommon for every thought to fly out of their head.

Should she have mentioned your involvement? Absolutely. No question whatsoever and I completely understand your frustration and annoyance and distrust.

Did she deliberately omit you? Maybe, but not necessarily. You may be assuming intent where there was only thoughtlessness.

The larger question in my mind is if she does this type of behavior all the time.  If she does, then you are absolutely right to avoid interacting with her as much as possible and to conduct all future communications with her in writing so you have a paper trail.

I hope you'll consider forgiving her (since as one of my favorite old sayings goes, bitterness and not forgiving are like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die) even if you don't fully trust her going forward. 

If it were me, I would go to lunch with her and tell her that her lack of recognition of my efforts hurt me and that it was going to be difficult for me to work in partnership with her going forward and I would give her an opportunity to apologize (and if she didn't, I would have a clear conscience in avoiding her completely). But then, I generally prefer to face problems with co-workers head on and try to get them worked out directly. I know that approach is difficult for many people and that many people would not be comfortable doing it.