Okay, we all know that when you flag the boss that you need to discuss something that you are doing your job and you are helping him/her ... but ... I recently facilitated a discussion between a line manager and his report (they are both part of the project team I lead, but I have a functional leadership responsibility for the report without being her line manager) where their working relationship had broken down for one very simple reason:
- Report constantly asking Manager for input
- Consequently, Manager feeling as if Report cannot use initiative starts to resent interruption and so makes himself less available.
I suggested that Report put the most urgent items for Manager's attention in a red folder on his chair. She immediately said "oh I have tried red flags but he ignores me" so I asked what gets flagged and how often - "well everything I want him to help me with and every day".
Realisation dawned on Managers face - so I repeated the suggestion "Put only the most important and urgent items in a red folder on his chair and he will make a commitment here and now to scan the folder as soon as it appears and agree some time with you during that day when you can discuss. BUT only put in the items that you absolutely cannot resolve any other way"
We continued the discussion with an example of where help was requested and as we probed it turned out that help wasn't required because the information was already logged into a database for Report to retrieve ... but because she was so used to asking she didn't look herself.
It has taken about a month for them to find a balance but I haven't had to intervene and their working relationship is back on track.
Lost in TranslationNow I am not presuming that either of you do place too much demand on your boss in reality ... but what is your boss's perception? Do they feel badgered? if so you need to find a way to attract their attention and input with a different behaviour from yourself.
Cathy your advice is good, calmly and assertively (lots of "I feel that" and no "you always do") explaining that you need some input to be able to truly support Boss is a good step. First though, work out some of your behaviours and test out what gets attention or gets ignored so you can suggest different communication styles that could work for you both (ie don't take in the problem go armed with solutions - even though they may not be aware a solution is needed).
The tricky bit is getting attention for long enough to get the message across. Katie, I too find the head round door and launch into talk extremely rude ... but remember you are trying to get your boss' attention not the other way round - so if it does work for the boss it stops being rude? Although in your case you say you don't get his attention - maybe your body language tells him that you are uncomfortable getting his attention that way?
Thinking StylesOne way in is to understand how Boss thinks - I think in pictures, some people think in words, or sounds ... what is your Boss' background? then find someone from the same background eg engineers all tend to have similar thinking styles, as do financiers, as do professional drivers ... then adapt your communication so for example if your Boss thinks in pictures he will respond positively to a chart or graph so find a point to make using such an image and you will spark his interest - say you were responsible for taking customer complaints - saying "Boss something must be done about manufacturing because complaints have gone up" will result in a vague noise but show him a graph of the forecast effect on revenue because complaints have gone up and he will be down on the factory floor demanding action.
The BenefitsNow this might all sound like hard work and some might ask why is it up to you to address it in the first place? How miserable are you, how miserable are you prepared to be? How much energy are you losing because your self -esteem is dented?
You owe it to only one person to be happy in your workplace - YOU - and then your self esteem will pick back up too.
By the way, do remember it takes 4 weeks on average for something to become a habit so don't give up the first time it doesn't work. Let us know how things go ...
Cathy
