Time off for sick children

[londonpa]

I've just read that a third of working mums send their sick kids to school because they can't take the time off work (DD-news alerts).  Made me feel really bad because I've done this a few times when they have colds and invariably the school calls my mobile and asks me to come and pick them up anyway and the boss is none to happy.  Sometimes I feel like I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place.  How's your boss when you ask time off to care for family?

[tillaruth]

I resigned from a fairly well paid job once because of the company's poor attitude.  My daughter got the measels and a week later, so did my son.   My boss tried to insist that I came in, despite telling him there was nobody to look after the kids.  He was totally unsympathetic.

[gee4]

I'm sorry my opinion will differ here, but when my sister and I were young my mother worked part-time and my father worked shifts.  This meant we never came home to an empty house and someone was usually there or could accommodate us if sick.

Our lifestyles have changed now.  It takes 2 incomes to support a mortgage and a family.  Fortunately I have no dependents and therefore have no children to worry about - that's my choice.  However I understand many women out there for whatever reason, still want or have to work.  My opinion on this is that if that is the case, then you make the necessary arrangements to accommodate your children when they are sick - be that a childminder or such like.

It's so easy for young couples these days to jump into marriage and then decide to have a family when they haven't really thought of all the pros and cons.  If you are lucky enough to work flexi or even work from home then you have it made.  I don't envy any of you who have to make these choices.

[countrigal]

Gee, I must disagree with you to a point.  My husband and I spent 10+ years together before we had babies.  As far as being prepared, I'd say we were as prepared as anyone could be.  We were both set up in good careers, set comfortably financially, and able to afford the necessary daycare, so I could return to work.  But when the babies get sick, one of us must take off work to stay at home with them.  I do not have the option, nor does hubby, to work flex-hours, or different tours, as these are set by the companies.  For you to say that parents are irresponsible for having kids and not being able to make alternative arrangements for their care when they get sick and report to work as normal, well, let's say it's small-minded.  My alternative arrangement is to either take off work, or for my husband to.  If I had an alternative, I might not take it even, because my priority is to my family, and if my child is sick and is needing a mother or father to make them feel better -- and help them get healthy faster by getting that positive and loving feeling from us -- then that's where I'll be.  If my job can't do without me for a day or 2, then I'd say I'm in the wrong career or the wrong office.  I don't anyone of us who is so important that if we're gone for a day or 2 that the whole office comes to a halt -- it might stumble, but it continues.

Me, I don't send my kids to school sick if I can help it.  If I think it's just a passing thing, then I might, but I also let my boss know as soon as I come in that I may be called out due to a sick child.  Luckily my company has a good leave policy and we're able to use our annual leave as well as sick leave to take care of family members when needed.  And bossie is real understanding when I have to call in first thing in the morning and tell him that I have a sick baby and have to stay home.  He knows that when I do return to work, I'll put my all into it, and if I were to come in and leave my baby with someone else, I'd be worrying and only 50-70% "here".

Also, note that not everyone has the resources available to have alternative arrangements set up for when their kids get sick.  For the first time since I left home, I have family around that may be availble to sit with a sick child if/when needed.  Until my father moved down here, I had no other options, as daycares won't take them when they're sick.  And my father is not comfortable with babies, so even he's not really available until the boys are a bit older -- unless it's only for a very short timeframe.  So remember, not everyone has the same options and what is right for some may not work for others.

CountriGal
Peer Moderator

[Susan V]

Very well said, GC.  I never thought I'd be a single mother of three with no support or family around.  So as you can see, the best made plans don't always work out. I have to take time off when my children are sick, I have no choice.  

When I'm at work I give it my all and if I know that I'm going to be out for a couple of days, I will take work home, but that's no guarantee that I will get a chance to work on it.  Plus, if I'm not in the office, if it's an emergency, I can be reached by landline phone, cell phone, or email.  

[diotima]

I don't have kids, from choice, but I remember my childhood. My Dad was disabled and looked after the house while Mum travelled in her job. I was very close to my Dad, but I wanted my Mum there a lot more than she was, even at 59 I remember how much I missed her. We had very little money and I'm not criticising them in any way, nor anyone here. That's just how it had to be for us.

It's my feeling that employers are going to have to have a drastic change of policy on family issues. The UK workforce works longer hours than most of Europe, and I don't think its any coincidence that in the recent UNICEF report on the state of the world's children, the UK ranks lowest of the highly developed nations in many ways regarding children: their happiness, time parents and children spend together, shared family meals, health care, mutual respect, diet, education, highest in binge drinking and substance abuse, and more. It's fatuous to think there's no connection between our employment policies and the wellbeing of our children. People who raise kids today are between a rock and a hard place. Raising kids is the most fundamental thing the human race does - survival of the species - and there just has to be a radical change of attitude by political leaders, to get themselves educated about life's realities, show some leadership, and devise genuinely family friendly policies that let people earn a decent living and devote the time to their kids that they want to. The world won't end if this happens, despite what the 'captains of industry' would have us believe, look at Scandinavia. Would I pay higher taxes to make this possible? Actually, yes I would.

[gee4]

In this day and age women want to be treated as equals - equal pay, equal rights, equal status.  Why should a male boss be sympathetic to a female for having children?  One female manager in particular who I sit close to has 2 children - she travels between 1 and 2 hours to and from work every day - that's her choice.  She was hired to do a job and perform as well as managing and motivating a team of males!  If you have to continually take days off sick to look after children then that has a detrimental affect on your company, your job and yourself.  I am not putting anyone down by saying this, it's a fact.

[duque]

Gee, I totally agree with you.

We are currently having a baby boom at the office and the maternity leaves are putting a strain on the rest of the team in spite of having replacements (you still have to monitor and assist the newcomers).

Wether we like it or not, it is unfortunate that it is always up to the women to care for their children ... I know that some husbands do but the less ....

Spain currently has a 4 month maternity leave that is trying to be get extended to 6 months (my company in UK have just extended it to 12 months!!!) .... do you know what will happen? ... employeers will end up chosing to employ men from now onwards to avoid these leaves ....

Don't get me wrong ... it's not that I think working women shouldn't have children, it's just that at this day and age .... I feel everything is still against us.

[gee4]

Duque, I hear ya.  It's been hard enough for me to obtain jobs over the years after being faced with redundancy, never mind if I have children in the equation.

We too are facing a baby boom in the office and it's been constant since I started here in August.  Yes it is indeed a woman's right but with the huge gap that leaves, staff are being poached from other departments and being seconded to cover a maternity leave.  In turn that person's job has to be covered, and so on.

A friend of mine lives in Italy and although she gets really good holidays, her maternity leave is def not as long as that in the UK.

[geminigirl]

I’m with Gee and Duque on this, for the most part.  I know that you can’t predict when your children are going to be ill and therefore have to take time out of work or get someone else to look after them but a lot of the time it will then fall to co-workers to fill in for the absent person.  

I don’t have children either – I knew at an early age that I didn’t want and wouldn’t be having them so that’s my personal choice as much as having children is a personal choice for the mums and dads out there.

However, from long experience I’ve also found – and I wonder who else has – that when it comes to working late / working holidays / whatever it’s often the “family person” who gets the best breaks and the childless one who is expected to work the holidays because “you’ve got no-one to be with so it doesn’t matter”!  And, also from personal experience, I’ve known co-workers with children to use them as an excuse for taking time out when it’s plainly only an excuse and not the reason for absence or whatever.  

Yes, I’m well aware that those opinions may cause howls of disagreement.  As I said, long personal experience!

[gee4]

Gem, I agree with you on this.  

For some reason, because I don't rush out of work to collect kids or drop them off somewhere, people think I have no life!  Oh G has no ties, yes she could stay behind and help out - eh, duh - did it ever occur to you that I might be having dinner with friends, have tickets for cinema/theatre, or am going home to chill out and watch a movie, go food shopping, do ironing?  I still have chores to do but that's my life and I chose it so don't punish me for not having kids.  

I have colleagues in work who envy me for having free time to myself - they can't have a drink or go out at the weekend as they need to pick up their kids from a party or football or ballet etc.  I too knew early on I didn't want children and I like it that way.  I have no interference - I can do my job and still have a social life.

[geminigirl]

Hey Gee - let's hear it for the Single Childless Woman With A Life!!

(And that's not to dismiss all the concerns about sick children and child care!)

[Dusty *]

I don't have children either, by choice, but I do have elderly parents who need me from time-to-time to take them to hospital, etc and in my opinion this is an area which needs to be given the same consideration as those with children.  I think that most people who work are likely to need time off to for family care at some time, and we should not be made to feel guilty about it.

[itsme_calista]

I have three children, and have experience being a working mum and stay at home mum. Two of my children are rarely ill, they don't even get colds.  The third was diagnosed with leukaemia in Oct 2004.  At the time I worked for a company part-time and they were supportive to start with, however after three months, the death of a close family member and my own health problem (stress) I started to get the back stabbing and people questionning my work, I found myself working extra hours, taking work home with me  to try to make up the time. After a short while, I quit the job.  The actual amount of time I had taken off in the three months was less than 3 days for her illness and 2 days for the funeral of my relative. The administrator next to me, who was childless had taken 16 days illness in the same time.

When a child is ill the best place for it to be is with the parent. Childminders, nurseries etc will not take a child who is ill and not all of us have grandparents who are available/able/willing to be backup childcarers.

It's only recently that my husband has returned to work after caring for the eldest child, and completing his degree.  We live frugally, are both educated and hard working.  

We set the example for our children. If you want something you work for it, if you are ill, then you work as best you can.  I resent being told you have kids, you shouldn't work or should only work part-time.  If more companies had family friendly policies then it wouldn't be such a problem.

My current boss is very understanding, he appreciates my work and knows in the balance that I will work through dinners, extra hours where I can.

Work/home balance is very difficult to juggle.

[Jackie G]

Hi everyone

I'm entering this to simply say remember to play nice in here or else!

It is everyone's right to have children or not have children.  Nobody can be expected to leave children who are sick behind at home to come into work if there is nobody to look after them - besides being illegal here in the UK, it's downright uncaring of both parent/employer to do so, and if the company is big enough, then HR should know about the employer's attitude.

I know that maternity leave can put huge pressures on smaller companies - as can paternity leave - but that's something individuals have to work out.

I don't really think anyone goes into having a family these days without thinking things through , and please remember that things don't always work out the way we think they will - infertility, illness, etc, etc.  Some of the things said in here are verging on hurtful for a lot of us, so back to my original statement.

PLEASE PLAY NICE

Jackie, Peer Moderator
www.iqps.org