Message #69795

[gee4]

Dettu, I hear you.

Firstly if it's any consolation I lunched on my own today whilst my devious colleague went out for an hour (we are only supposed to have half an hour).  I would rather she said look I lunch out on Thursdays or something as we lunch together every other day but she seems to have a problem even telling me.

It's hurtful I know and very childish and personally it makes me isolate myself even more.  My company is a bit catty and clicky too - everyone in their little groups at lunch and teabreaks - I would never join any of them.

On my first day in this job, after being shown round and introduced, my "buddy" left me at my desk.  It was almost 1pm, she had to get back to meet her own lunch bunch.  Was I asked?  No.  Was I offered the next day?  No.  My colleague who I first mentioned above, never offered either.  We could be talking about work one minute and then the next off she would go for lunch without even saying, would you like to join me/us?  Now we are in a different building and have to eat in the canteen so she has no one else and neither do I.  A case of thrown together if you like.

Manners go a long way.  It's a click.  All they probably do is gossip about others anyway.  I cannot be bothered with it all and would rather be on my own if I'm honest.  It's a shame cos they could get to know you.  It's shameful that they are all led by each other and not one could take the initiative and break away from the rest.  That's insecurity and they don't want to be seen as doing something different.

I feel for you but you know you are better than that.  I made a very good friend in the company I got made redundant from last year.  She went out of her way to introduce me and include me for lunch.  Why?  Because she herself was a victim of the very same thing and while she put a stop to it, she vowed never to let it happen again.

People are hurtful, especially women, although not all.  It's like being in a gang at school - they all think they are in the "in crowd", but I bet they talk about each other at different times, in and out of work.  Ask yourself this - are any of them really good friends with each other?

I would actually love to ask just one of them why they didn't invite you and I bet the answer would be, well I didn't organise it.  That's right, they probably blame someone else while they are just the bleating sheep.

Chin up, be strong and don't waste another minute thinking about it.