Q. I have decided that after working for my company for five years I have struggled along for long enough. I returned to work after my first child, but now I'm back after baby number two I just can't cope. How can I begin to approach my manager about working more flexibly?

A.The first thing you need to do is to sit down with your partner and work out firstly what type of flexible working you would like ideally, and secondly, what you could live with. For example you may want to work only two days a week in the office, but could live with having to do three, and perhaps work from home for one of these. Remember, it's not only your employer who should be flexible. You need to be flexible too.

The next step is to consider how this will affect you financially. It's not unknown for people to start flexible working, only to find that they can't afford to live on the reduced salary! Then they request to go back to full working weeks – which annoys the manager and wastes everyone's time. When you do your calculations, don't forget to take into account that any childcare costs should be reduced, as should your bill for travelling to work. The final question to ask yourself is how this will affect your work and the business. Some jobs are just not as flexible as others, and businesses do not have to automatically move their full operations to accommodate you.

When you have a plan that will work for both of you, think hard about how you will sell the idea to your manager. Anticipate as many factors that will worry your boss as possible, such as how you will remain integrated with the rest of the team, how accessible will you be, and who will cover your work – and have solutions ready. Never threaten, but instead be upbeat and ready to negotiate. If you get nowhere, you always have the option to "vote with your feet". But good, loyal staff are difficult to find and you may well find your manager very willing to accommodate your thoughts.

Q. I am annoyed about so many women with children being able to work more flexibly. I don't intend having children so it seems unfair that they get the option of more flexibility.

A. Flexible working is not just about people with families. Some people have taken a flexible working option to enable them to pursue a sport with increased commitment, or to do voluntary work. It may be that you would like to travel more extensively, take a few months out to work in a developing country. Also, as we are becoming older as a nation, many people are finding that they need to incorporate flexible working as a way of integrating parental care into their lives.

The important aspect here is that it should be available for everyone, as long as the business can incorporate it and it is practicable. It is not just about allowing parents to work school hours, it is also about using technology to work from home, on the move, even perhaps from another country if you are travelling. It could be reduced daily hours, an annualised hours contract, working a different range of hours – really whatever you (and your manager) think would work. You never know when you may need to work more flexibly, so keep your options open and approach your manager with sensible, workable options. Being childless is not a justification for anyone to reject your requests.

Q. I've been working at my company for ten years now so I think I am legally entitled to flexible working but my manager is not keen. I am right, aren't I?

A. No, you are not legally entitled to demand flexible working, and the length of time you have been there, beyond your employment law rights, makes no difference to entitlement. Recent changes in legislation mean that you have the right to request, and your employer has to look at your request (if you are the parent of a child under six or a disabled child under 18). But you do not have the right to demand flexibility.

If you have recently had a child, you and your partner may take paid time to look after them in their early life, and that period is set by the government (see our feature on the new Work and Families Bill). However, beyond this, flexible working is negotiable between you and your manager.

Not all jobs are suitable to the type of flexible working you may want. For example, a receptionist cannot work from home, and may be required to work set hours, perhaps starting at 9.00 am when the reception desk opens. If other staff can cover those hours, a later start may be possible – but this is not always the case. Small businesses also cannot necessarily accommodate high levels of flexibility for staff and therefore are not expected to do so. Flexible working can be refused if it is not against the law and would be detrimental to the business. However, it is important to work with your manager on any proposals you might have, and to gain their support. Things change over time and although the scheme you want not be available now, it may be in the following year.

Q. I love my job working in public relations but it requires me to be available 24/7. My partner is better in the house than me but still does not want to give up work completely to look after our future children. Can he request flexible working? He wants to keep some form of continuous work on his CV.

A. It really does depend on what job your partner has and also the flexibility of his company, but whether the applicant is male or female is of no consequence. To deny flexible working on the basis of gender would be contravening Equal Opportunity legislation. The important aspect is that the situation works for both parties, and so both can see the benefit in accommodating the other's needs. You raise a good point that maintaining continuity on a CV is very beneficial in today's world, and even working a short number of hours a week from home can achieve this.