There is no point in trying to achieve a work-life balance unless you are feeling in the mood for it.

You will hear people saying "Do you live to work, or work to live?" It sounds clever, but like most smart phrases, is meaningless. We all live to work, because work is important to the human psyche, and we are unfulfilled if we don't do it – the key is to balance it.

But if you are in the wrong state of mind, you won't understand the balance. You might persuade your employer to reduce your working hours, but you won't achieve any benefit if you haven't sorted yourself out. You'll flop on the sofa in front of a soap, and won't feel any better. If you aren't in the right frame of mind to achieve the most of a work-life balance, it will be a waste of time. So think it through first.

1. Change your chat
   Consider the big world outside work. Make a point of talking to "ordinary people" about something other than your job. At work, do the same – deliberately avoid work-only conversation, talk about the film you've seen, the dinner you've had, or a walk with the dog. If you are balancing your conversation, you are on the way to balancing your life.



2. Practise the positive
   Recognise and avoid the "competitive negativity" trap. This really does exist! Competitive Negativity is trying to be the most stressed person in the room. It's a catching disease, and one person can infect a whole company with it. But the opposite works, too – if you talk about how interesting a challenge is, rather than how demanding. Which sounds the more fun to you? Feeling fulfilled and interested, or telling yourself how stressed you are? It's a no-brainer, and it's a major key to work-life balance.



3. Time for you
   Plan a set amount of time for yourself each week, and make sure it is absolutely inviolate. The point of this is that people who have what is called "time sovereignty", or control over their own time, are proven to have more job satisfaction, and do better work.
   
   What you do with that time is up to you, but don't go mad and replace one stress with another – if you walk or exercise three times a week, just resolve to be "a bit" healthier than you are at the moment, no more. Making resolutions about running a marathon may worry you even more! The key is knowing that there is "work" time, and there is "your" time, and that you control the balance.



4. Balance within the balance
   Understand the work-work balance. This is compared to "idling" or "ticking over", which is how a car engine is running, when the vehicle isn't actually moving. You can do the same. After 90-120 minutes of work activity, don't put your feet up, just go into automatic-pilot mode and walk slower, speak slower, think slower. The next twenty minutes are yours, and even though you may still be working, you are doing so at a controlled pace. This is a work-work balance!



5. Enjoy your work
   Understand that hard work is OK! Work-life balance does not actually mean reducing your working hours. Many people love their work, and for them the perfect "balance" is to go at it like a bull at a gate, then go through hell on the squash court. You'll hear them say that they "work hard and play hard". Well, if you're that kind of person, fine – you've achieved the right balance for yourself.



6. Give it a rest!
   Understand that rest is OK, too. If you feel constantly tired, you're not in the right frame of mind to achieve a balance. Take a day off to think - any manager who doesn't recognise the value of "thinking time" isn't worth working for. Go away alone, but you can keep a notepad if you like – there's nothing wrong with jotting down ideas that occur.
   
   If you really can't get out of work, remember the Five-Minute Holiday. Sit back, switch off mentally, switch the phone to voicemail, and just imagine the last great holiday you had, or the last wonderful relaxing weekend you spent. It isn't the same thing as a real work-life balance, but five or ten minutes doing this will really help!



7. Assess your situation
   Understand and value your achievements, and be realistic about your failures. Make a list of recent occasions you felt out of control (it is said that 88 per cent of workers feel out of control at some point during the week) and failed to complete a job, or did it but got stressed. In each case, was there something actually within your control that would have made the biggest difference? Understanding what you could have done, without actually punishing yourself for getting it wrong, will give you a handy perspective on your balance.
   
   Now consider how many times you have recently achieved and enjoyed part of your work. Pat yourself on the back for it. And pat yourself on the back again for achieving a balance between the two.



8. Plan your crises!
   Make a crisis plan for taking on your department's work, or even your partner's home chores, in an emergency. You will feel better in your mind simply for knowing the plan is there. Paul Wilson, author of the "Little Book of Calm" and head of the Calm Centre, has a wonderful little story of a friend's emergency plan. The friend saved a percentage of his salary every month until he had the equivalent of one month's pay. He called this the ****-off fund. The theory was that if things got on top of him at work, he could now afford to tell the boss to… well, you know, knowing that he had some money to survive on, until he found another job.
   
   According to Paul Wilson, it made him very balanced indeed!