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Thou shalt not skim flavor from the holidays

By Craig Wilson, USA TODAY



I hate this time of year. Not for its crass commercialism and forced frivolity, but because it's the season when the food police come out with their wagging fingers and annual tips on how to get through the holidays without gaining 10 pounds.



You can't pick up a magazine without finding a list of holiday eating do's and don'ts. Eliminate second helpings, high-calorie sauces and cookies made with butter, they say. Fill up on vegetable sticks, they say.



Good grief. Is your favorite childhood memory of Christmas a carrot stick?  I didn't think so. Isn't mine, either. A carrot was something you left for Rudolph.



I have my own list of tips for holiday eating. I assure you, if you follow them, you'll be fat and happy....



1. About those carrot sticks. Avoid them. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum

balls.



2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. Like fine single-malt scotch, it's rare. In fact, it's even rarer than single-malt scotch. You can't find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn into an eggnogaholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It's later than you think. It's Christmas!



3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.



4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.



5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other people's food for free. Lots of it. Hello? Remember college?



6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year's. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table while

carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.



7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don't budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention. They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. You can't leave them

behind. You're not going to see them again.



8. Same for pies. Apple. Pumpkin. Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or, if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?



9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some standards.



10. And one final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention. Reread tips. Start over.



But hurry! Cookieless January is just around the corn

Thanks for the wonderful post, sungoddess! Reminds me of one of the songs on my "Twisted Xmas" CD--"The Most Fattening time of the Year," with Richard Simmons admonishing everyone to eat smaller portions and cut fat--as if!    

I'm still going to exercise when I can, to beat the effects of holiday stress. But you're right on about the food (especially eggnog...Hello, My name is Judy and I'm an eggnog-aholic!)



Add to this peeve my growing irritation with those tips on "making the holidays more simple." Stick to your budget...cut down on gifts...be sure to send only recycled cards and use recycled wrapping paper...and my 'favourite' of all--give HANDMADE presents! (Right, as if I had the time, energy & talent for that!) Granted, I'm against people going way overboard and piling up mountains of debt...but please, this is a season we're supposed to ENJOY, not feel guilty for things we're probably going to do anyway!



So buy that extra 'perfect' present!



Treat YOURSELF to something nice!



Enjoy that inevitable trip to the mall!



Do more things you WANT to do and less things you're "obligated" to do.





Above all, relax and enjoy this Christmas season, forgive yourself for your excesses and your omissions, and remember, this isn't the end of it all...you can always make up for it in January!



(Oh, and one last "bonus" tip: If you start thinking of Christmas as a 12-day, or even month-long, celebration, instead of a 1-day deadline, it really helps cut down on time-crunch stress--and pace your eating!)

 

Amen!



Love it.



Thanxs for sharing the tips.



Chris68

 

We have a rule in my family:



If you can get up from the table (if you can get up off the chair at ALL in some cases) with your pants buttoned, you haven't eaten enough so sit back down and let me fill your plate again!

Yankee - - are you one of my cousins??  Hmmmm???



Have to be.  Same family rule here.



Robbie    

Yankee,



You sound like my father-in-law.  He passed away 3 years ago but the thing I remember most about him is that he always loved me - I am not sure though if it is because I am nice or because I like to eat.  Everytime we saw him for dinner he always said to me, do you want more and before I could say no, he would be cutting more meat or adding more potato to my plate and then how could I say no.  He was such a great man and loved to eat.  



Holidays with my family always meant eating and eating way too much.  Then we would all go for a walk and walk some of it off just to eat more.



I miss those days so much but now we made our own traditions which of course include food.



Have a great Christmas and spend and eat as much as you want.



Susan